Silly Ways to Introduce Yourself as Psychology Student

"Hi, I'm a psychology student. And no, I don't read your mind, your personality or your heart. So, speak to me clearly what you want." 

"Hi, I'm a clinical psychologist. Sorry, but I can't diagnose you in the very first personal meeting like his. Meet me in my office if you want to have one, please. And please don't expect me to be empathic-nice-kind person all the time, unless you're my client in a therapeutic session." 

"Hi, I'm a psychologist, majoring in I/O psychology. I don't do clinical therapy, but I conduct training and psychological assessment for recruitment. They give me a lot of money. And oh, I love to fire people from their job." 

"Hello, I'm an educational psychologist. Basically, I work at educational institution, giving some advises to individuals for educational purposes. I also make some programs to improve the educational system. A boring job, I know. And, please, we're different from those teachers and mere school counselors." 

"Hello, I'm a social psychologist. Mostly, I work as researcher, not practitioner, so don't expect me to conduct psychological testing, listen to your problems, understand your mood swings, or even trying to read your personality. Don't you even dare to imagine it. Anyway, I have a focus on evolutionary approaches, and I think you're as sexy as a big ape."